Dirty Talking Ideas for Christmas
Happy horny holidays. Have a little fun with your sweetheart this Christmas season. Turn them on, make them laugh, and use whichever of these you can say with a straight face.
- My friends call me Prancer, but you can call me Vixen
- I heard Santa needs a little helper
- I know you're cumming on Christmas Eve, but I don't wanna wait
- I wanna be the marshmallow on top of your hot chocolate
- We just have such good Chemis-TREE
- Just let me warm my hands on your open fire
- Oh my, your stocking is SO hung
- I don't wanna just jingle your bells, I wanna jingle ALL the way
- You turn me on like a Christmas tree
- You got me wetter than a snowman in July
- I think you're gonna have to plow me, cause I'm about to give a Snow Job
- Come down my chimney tonight and I'll lap up all your milk and eat your cookies
- Lay me under the Christmas tree, and ride me like a sleigh tonight
- Get under my Mistletoe
- Open my box and let's Scrooge
- I want you to stuff my little stocking with your big North Pole
- Are you going to wrap that package before you give it to me?
- I hope that's a bag full of batteries, because I plan to celebrate all night
- It was worth it to be on the naughty list
If the line lands, be ready
Half of these are a set-up for a gift. A few that pair well:
- The batteries joke. Retire it. The OG Bullet is rechargeable, waterproof, and quiet enough for a house full of relatives.
- Anything about stockings and packages. Our packers come in four skin tones, and some are hand-painted one at a time.
- The sleigh-ride lines. That is a strap-on set — harness, toy, and the fit worked out for you in advance.
- Not sure yet. Beginner kits are built so the pieces are guaranteed to work together.
Everything ships in a plain, unmarked box with nothing on the outside. Nobody under that tree learns anything you did not tell them.
Want the year-round version of this? Our sex toy go-bag guide covers what to actually keep on hand.
